His sovereignty

                                  

The doctrine of the Sovereignty of God is probably the doctrine that has impacted me the most. I learned it as an adult and it transformed my way of seeing life, Christ, His work, my life, my trials, every area of my life was dramatically changed by this doctrine. And with it many other doctrines became so precious to me.


There are many great books that explain this doctrine with such clarity and grace, that I feel very humbled to write about this, but in my attempt to write about it, I’ll try to explain just the areas where God has dealt and is dealing with me at the moment.

Understanding that God is sovereign, is a beautiful thing when all your life you thought you had some control over your decisions, future, salvation,... but resting in this doctrine, brings rest and learn to trust in God completely. Knowing His character and believing that His will is perfect and does not need me to decide but strips me naked of all pride and the feeling of “I know better”. I loved that “power” of having some say in my future and decide myself what was “best” for me in my own eyes. How little I thought of God and how high i thought of myself!

This old doctrine (new to me) came like a rock on my head. Hit me hard and it took me 2 years of tears and study of this doctrine and to learn to trust in the Lord and that He is good. Even though I thought He was good, I wanted to have my input in all things. Trusting my will better than my Lord’s. But trusting in Him alone and resting in Him, was very hard. He showed me my condition before Him. My view of Him changed from just a friend, to someone indescribable beautiful, bigger and more magnificent than I ever thought of Him, and yet at the same time, closer to me than ever, because I understood how this Incredible omnipotent (in all the extent of the word) came down from heaven for a sinner like me, and extended mercy with such tenderness ... and still is patient with me, every day.

What a rest to know now, that He is in control, over every aspect of my life! That my life is in His hands and I need to worry about nothing. That if He wills something it will happen. That no one can resist His precious will. And me, a woman who can’t decide between 2 flavours of ice-cream, thought that I was capable of deciding on my salvation. When I change styles and tastes way too often, when my sins are not conquered and even though I want to do right, I sin. This woman thought to have a better plan than her Creator. But now, God has opened my eyes that I might see... I see His desires are better than mine. That He makes no mistakes and that I can trust Him. I am still learning to trust Him, I have a long ways to go, but I have hope in His work in me. I have hope that He will finish the work and He will not get tired or give up.

My trials and temptations are seen different now. I sin against my Holy God and yet He is merciful to me. And with every trial and temptation, He teaches me more to be like Christ granting me repentance and pain in my heart when I offend Him. Problems, are not just trials, are blessings that this Sovereign Lord, has set before me to mould me and transform my character; to prepare me for Heaven so that I might enjoy Him and find it ALL in Him alone.

Raising my kids, the relationship with my husband, everything has a different perspective! The Lord all mighty is in control. He does not just know what is going to happen, but has spoken what is to pass to do His will. My husband is a gift from God, given to me as he is and me to him as I am to be changed to be like Christ, so complaining had to stop, because I understood by His grace, that I was complaining against God. And instead, my love for him increased because I saw him, not as a rock on my way, but as a beautiful gift from God. He has stripped me of things that I cling on to, for the purpose of His glory. That I may die to myself and that He may increase in me. Some of those things He purged me of, I cherished more than my Lord without knowing it. But He did. And been a jealous God, He was not going to be shared with my vanities. So He purged me and purges me often, of all the things I love, so I love Him alone.

I am 7 months pregnant now with a daughter after two godly boys (10 and 12 years old) and having her now in my womb has been a gracious gift from god to us. We, who had “control” over my womb, were stripped from it too. It was an act of trust in God to trust in Him in this. It was such a hard battle for many reasons. It had so many inconveniences and a terrifying fear that God would not save her. But even in that, the Lord has taught us in a loving manner, that HE IS GOOD! That I need to trust in Him even in this, that His will is perfect. And now, every time she moves inside of me, my eyes tear up with the joy of having a little daughter inside me, raising a young woman for Him, raising her to be a godly lady in an ungodly world. Knowing His Sovereignty, helps me rest assured that He is in control over her. And my only job is to obey, as a faithful servant obeys her master.

Oh, how precious doctrine. How precious and hard to receive by many. How difficult to die to self and see God as a Creator and owner of my soul. But once the Lord opens the eyes and all of a sudden you can see, it shames you to see how much pride there is in you. Maybe that is why is so hard to receive it. I have so much to learn and to die; to grow and understand; to trust and obey. But by His grace, I know, that He will guide my steps.