signs

I am a bit worried about writing this post as I know it could cause much controversy, but I am writing it as a reminder to myself and I pray you may be blessed by it.

Butterflies have became very special to me. They remind me of my baby Erica Faith, because her room was all decorated with them (walls, crib ...). At her funeral I wore a butterfly necklace and I got another one, just because it was a settle reminder of her (but my sister gave me a necklace with her name on it and that is the one I wear now all the time). But any ways, you get the picture... butterflies became special to me.

Well, very soon after my baby died, I went to this park with some friends, and there was this butterfly that came to me only and flew all over me. It flew inside my hands as I am trying to cover my face, as I am shocked by the boldness of it. It stands on me over and over again. Of course I burst into tears. Since then, there have been a few experiences like that, of butterflies come and stand on me.

Not long ago, the Lord was merciful to me and gave me peace as He graciously has done in the past. And as I visited the grave where the body of my baby lays (even the marker we chose has butterflies in it), all I could think of was: she is not here! her body is here, but my baby is in absolute complete satisfaction, that she needs nothing! not even me! She does not see me, she does not think of me, she does not misses me or hopes to meet me. All of her needs are perfectly met by the Lord. What a beautiful thing that is! To also, look forward to that day, where I will also need nothing, or no one! not even her! For some this may sound mean or cold, but to me, it gives me great hope and joy.

Last week, the same happened with a butterfly fluttering all around me and stood on my head and flew all around my face for many minutes and my mind went right into the "signs" mode. Is this a sign of God giving me to remind me of her, is this an act of a loving God to give me a little of her? And then, I had to stop myself and look at my Lord and remember what His Holy Word says: God is enough! And then I saw this "experiences" as something I was enjoying, something dangerous to hold on to. Because God has been enough, I need no sign, I need nothing other than His precious word to sustain me.

Satan is very crafty, even using God's creation to play with my emotions, knowing that I am in a vulnerable position. Knowing that he can distract my attention from the One who sustains me and strengthens me, and the only who gives me peace and instead, put my hope in "signs" that I can easily find all around me and depend on them instead of depend on God alone.

So, I thank God again for His mercies towards us. For His peace and for the great confidence of His sufficiency. For the future hope and for the great gift of not needing signs to know that He is enough and to know He cares for us.

FB before 13?

I have been on FB since 2007. For the most part it has been fun, sometimes a waste of time, and others a way to encourage and be encouraged by others. I am now in contact with friends from when I was a little girl, met women that I have never met personally, I read great articles, and hear great music. All while I am sitting at home with a cup of tea.

I have 2 boys who wanted to join FB soon after I did. Why? not so much because I was in, but because friends the same age as them were on it. So what can be the big deal right? They will have friends the same age, keep in touch with them in a virtual world an that is it. No harm done.
Well as I started being part of FB, I realized some things besides the obvious (time wasting machine and pointless status updates) but my concern was their soul. That is my number one priority for them, my main responsibility before the Lord.

First of all, a secular world, who cares none about the soul of my children forbids them to join their social network until they are 13, that should be a good enough warning for me. If I want them to join before the age 13, I have to lie about their age. There is no way around it (unless I do not know about it of course). So by me agreeing to lie about their age, is to say that lying is really "not that bad".

Another reason we are waitingfor my younget to join, is because as parents we have some "cards" that we can play wisely or we can throw them all at once in raising our children. At least for our family, there are privileges in growing up that are worth waiting for (staying alone at home, having a cellphone, joining FB, watching certain movies, and so on). If we give them all those perks at a young age, we have no cards to play later! So when they are in their youth, what else can they look forward to? they already have it all and have seen it all. So they have to find something more exciting for themselves that is more thrilling or that feeds their need of accomplishment. But in our family, we decided to wait for those privileges. To have them looking forward to reach that age where they can join, or get the "cool phone" or look forward to be old enough to earn privileges that come with maturity and responsibility.

We want our children to know how to use wisely social media. To watch what they write, what they read, where they comment, what they comment, who the allow as friends, who they reject. If they use it, is to be used for a purpose, not for simple amusement or because they are bored. Their identity and reputation is on the line and they need to be wise about it.

It is hard. But we strive not for what is easy but for what is good for their souls.