Search my heart oh Lord!

What motivates me? What makes me wake up in the morning and smile? What is the first thing I think about when I wake up? When I am not in the best of days, Who do I talk to?

If is not the Lord, something needs to change. I started thinking, and the first thing that comes up in my mind almost every morning as soon as I open my eyes is: Which day is today?... then I can focus on what things are to happen that day. My day is so schedule oriented. What would happen if one day, God would brake my so loved routine, something out of the ordinary happened and I had a chance to serve Him. Would I be willing? Would I be willing to instead of thinking which day was I waking up to, I could wake up and ask myself: How can I serve the Lord today? I guess I will not know until hat happens. And so, purposely, bring my thoughts into obedience and train my thoughts to think first of the Lord. Think to go to Him, every time I need help, every time I need self control.

How I wish to live like this!. It seems easy. But my heart is so stubborn and I get discouraged so easy when I see my lack of  perseverance, how easy I am unfaithful to the One who cleansed me! How often I am like Gomer (Hosea's wife) and go back to my ungratefulk way of living.  But He knows my heart. And sometimes that is what I fear!, I cannot hide from Him the dirt within me, He sees it as it is, the smell, the effect that it causes, the unfaithfulness, ... He sees me and cleanses me again, clothes me again and yet again I go to the mud and roll in it. Although I hate it something in the mud seems attractive (maybe is that it is easy to keep dirty ...but keeping clean on a white dress it is hard!, I have to wash my hands often, I need to stay away from muddy places, I need to eat carefully, if someone is dirty, I need to keep my distance,...). But yet I love my white dress!, I love to be clothed ly my God. And the thought that He even desires to dress me in such beautiful dress, it is enough to bring me back to my knees, and live forever grateful.

He is faithful, He is the One who can clean me every day. That is why we are to thank Him for His mercies every morning and His faithfulness at night. And the next day the same...

Search my heart oh God, search me and cleanse me. Cleanse me so that the most secret places inside me wil be as clean as the snow and that I may live a godly life for You!