Often the sins of others seem worst than our own... but it is sometimes necessary to see them and by the grace of God we can see our own and realize that we are not better, that our sins are not less harmful to our Holy and precious God, but just as bad and terrible in His eyes, and is not until we realize that and pray, that by His mercy and grace He will not let ME forget the mercies that He had toward me.. that He forgave me of much and that is probably why I love Him SO much. That He will protect me from pride of thinking to high of my self as in thinking that my sins as not as bad as other people, or to low of my self by thinking that my sins or actions do not affect too much my character.... but that everything I do, think and say, will be work done for eternity, that everything I do will leave a mark in my character for good or for bad... That He will remind me using whatever He pleases, that I depend on Him every day and that my day will not go well apart from Him.
I want to learn and be reminded every day by my Savior, that He is transforming me, not in my time and as fast as I would have wanted, but in His time and in His perfect and most wise way. He has allowed thing in my life that without them I would have not learned to love Him even more. I know what forgiveness is, I also know that is not by feelings that I love Him, or by emotions, or by convenience, but by grace and grace alone that He causes me to love Him with all my heart and gives me the desire to walk in Him all the days of my life. He draws me to Him, cares for me, He disciplines me with so much tenderness and when I do not understand His will, He just works it out in my heart to love Him even more and gives me the peace that all is well because He is my God and I am His!
I have learn, to never do any thing or say any thing on which I would unwilling to ask His blessing. If I do that, I can really focus on living here on earth for eternity, honoring my husband, loving and teaching my children and forgiving before any harsh or ungodly thoughts or words comes out of my mouth. To seek the Giver and not the gift, to humble my self before Him, and offer my life as a sacrifice to Him just to bring Him pleasure.
I dream of the day, when I hear the words of my Lord saying "my good and faithful servant" (if it pleases Him), they will be the sweetest words I will ever hear, been in His presence, kiss His hands and feet and thanking Him for eternity for saving me... looking at His eyes and never letting go!.